- Jonathan & I worked through separation and brought our family back together in the beginning of the year
- I had some health issues and had surgery in September
- I was hospitalized for an emotional breakdown
- Both Jonathan & I are adjusting and learning how to function with both of us working full-time
Riley was hospitalized at The Meadows in Centre Hall for 9 days total. He was discharged on Monday the 22nd. That afternoon I re-registered him for the partial program where he will continue to attend 8-2 Monday through Friday for an indefinite period of time.
When we picked him up, it was simply a nurse coming to the lobby with a few papers to sign and a "bye, Riley". That's it. We got in the car and drove home. It felt odd -- like there certainly should have been more to it than that?! But there isn't. That's the sad thing.
On the way home I asked Riley kindly if we could please take care of his hair. Normally I shave it short at home, but for about the last 6 months it's been a battle, with him screaming and pulling away from me. So I tried to make a deal. Could you either let mommy do it or I will take you to a salon if you prefer. He wanted the salon. So while I hated to pay $23 for a haircut I can do myself (that's with giving her a generous tip because it's Christmas and well, keep reading), I have to pick my battles and go with it. So we did a few errands just he & I before his intake appointment at 2:30 for the partial program. We had an hour to kill when we had everything done ... except the haircut. He insisted he wanted to do it after the appointment. I know that this would not have made a difference and he was simply putting it off. So I held his hand and we reluctantly walked into Great Clips.
Once in the salon he sat in the waiting chair and curled in a ball and locked his fists around the arms of the chair. I checked him in, and the lovely girl named Brittany with purple hair was so sweet trying to talk him into letting her cut his hair. He hung his head and clung to the chair saying no no no. He tried to say he wanted me to do it at home now. Knowing the way things go, I knew that was just a ploy to get out of it at that very moment and that home would be no less painful. So I managed to stay calm (though I wanted to cry that this was happening already) and get him back to the chair. Once there, he slumped down low and pouted. She put the cape on him and he began crying very loudly no no no!!! So we tried to discuss with him about which razor she would use so that it wouldn't hurt at all and to make him and I both happy. Once he indicated what he wanted her to use, we thought we were ok. As soon as that razor touched his head he was screaming and trying to get out of the chair. I had to stand in front of him, legs locked between mine, holding his wrists down while she tried desperately to be quick about it. Mid way through he began screaming he needed to use the bathroom. My mind had to quickly determine if he truly did or if it was a ploy to get out of it. I decided if he truly did have to go that bad and wet himself I wasn't going to be angry or upset, but dang it - he was finishing his haircut FIRST. So we managed to get it all done - both of us covered in hair - and he went to the restroom, got his lollipops, and we paid and thanked the kind girl profusely for her patience and left. Once out the door he immediately was jolly and making jokes about now his head is cold and silly mommy you should have brought a hat for me! I chuckled, and yet in my mind was thinking how can he go to such extreme behaviors so quickly?!?
Once home I told him we could play a game of Othello together while the girls did their homework with daddy. He liked that idea. We had a bit of a scuffle that he had to put away a few things before playing, but he did ok. He was a little hyper, but seemed to be handling himself pretty well. Until....
Jon & I had our weekly counseling appointment at 7:00 and the kiddos needed to go with Nonnie to finish some shopping. Riley simply didn't want to go. He wanted to stay home. So he stomped and argued and fought. He sat on the steps and began to punch himself. He just didn't want to go and wanted us to stay home so he didn't have to go. Eventually we were able to leave and she managed him ok, thankfully.
Once we got home, however, it was a battle for him to go to bed. He was yelling at us, stomping his feet. I'm hungry. I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired. Going in his sister's room. Making a bunch of noise. Coming down to our room. I just burst into tears. In front of him. I cried and sobbed and said "Riley, why?? Why are you so sad and angry when you're home with mommy & daddy?? What is wrong??" He just snapped "I don't know". Jonathan said I'll handle him - you go to sleep. Apparently he got him calmed down for a while but he was up twice in the night.
I just don't get it. We've gotten nowhere. Seriously -- nowhere. I don't know what his stay at the hospital has done for him. I don't know what the partial program is doing for him. It's home. Something is wrong at home. Something triggers his mind at home. You'd think we were horrid abusive neglectful parents the way he acts out.
Oh, did I mention there are family/home based services, but we can't get those because he doesn't have medical assistance. Isn't that nice? I have a job, with good benefits, but they don't cover those services that are desperately needed. I've applied for it, as we've been told he can get it with a mental health diagnosis even though we don't meet income requirements. We'll see if that comes to fruition -- in however many weeks or months that may take to get processed and then home services set up. In the meantime?? We're on our own.
I'm stumped. We're stumped. I guess we just live with things the way they are, cry when we need to, and love him the best way we know how....and pray that we have a breakthrough at some point. What else can we do??
We love you Riley -- with all our might.
